SETTING BOUNDARIES

SETTING BOUNDARIES IS AN ACT OF SELF LOVE

Here are some signs that you may lack healthy boundaries and some suggestions on what you can do about it:

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SAYING NO

• Difficulty saying "no": You might have trouble declining requests or invitations from others, even if they conflict with your priorities or values. This can leave you feeling overcommitted and resentful.

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What to do: Practice saying "no" politely but firmly, and remind yourself that it's okay to prioritize your own needs and wants. Consider using phrases like "I can't commit to that right now" or "I need to take care of myself first."

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OVERLY CONCERNED ABOUT OTHERS

• Feeling responsible for other people's feelings: You might take responsibility for how other people feel, and feel guilty or anxious when they are upset. This can lead to you neglecting your own needs to please others.

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What to do: Recognize that you are only responsible for your feelings and behavior, not other people's. Encourage others to take responsibility for their emotions and practice setting boundaries around their emotional energy.

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STRUGGLES WITH EXPRESSION

• Difficulty asking for what you want: You might have a hard time expressing your desires or needs, whether it's at work or in your personal life. This can leave you feeling unfulfilled or resentful.

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What to do: Practice assertively communicating your wants and needs, but without demanding or controlling others. Use "I" statements and be specific about what you are asking for.

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OVER OBLIGATED

• Feeling overwhelmed or depleted by social situations: You might find that spending time with others drains your energy and leaves you feeling exhausted or anxious. This can be a sign that you need to set better boundaries around your social interactions.

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What to do: Pay attention to your energy levels and take breaks when needed. Practice saying "no" to social events or situations that you know will be overwhelming or stressful for you.

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NOT SPEAKING UP

• Allowing others to cross your boundaries: You might find that others frequently push past your boundaries, whether it's by ignoring your requests or invading your personal space. This can leave you feeling disrespected and resentful.

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What to do: Be clear and assertive about your boundaries, and practice enforcing them consistently. Communicate your boundaries clearly, and be willing to take action (such as leaving a situation or ending a relationship) when others repeatedly violate them.

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THE NEEDS OF OTHERS

• Putting others' needs ahead of your own: You might find that you prioritize others' needs and wants over your own, even if it's to your detriment. This can lead to burnout and resentment.

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What to do: Practice prioritizing your own needs and wants, and remind yourself that taking care of yourself is essential for your well-being. Practice self-care, such as setting aside time for activities that bring you joy and relaxation, and be willing to say "no" to others when it conflicts with your own needs.

 

Remember, setting and enforcing healthy boundaries takes practice and patience. It can be challenging to shift old patterns and beliefs, but with time and effort, you can create a healthier, more balanced relationship with yourself and others.

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​COMMUNICATING BOUNDARIES IS KEY

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If you set boundaries you need to communicate them. So many people shy away from having these conversations during the dating phase. They do not want to appear to be too uptight or look like a prude. Forgetting boundary setting is their protection. For example, if you are uncomfortable with holding hands on the first date, it is important to speak up.  Avoiding talking about boundaries can send the wrong signal to your suitor. They might feel that you are open to this type of physical interaction. As a result, they might feel confident to take it a bit further. You could unknowingly sabotage your dating experience. It could completely unknowingly change how they see you or how you see them. We teach people how to treat us. Communicating your needs, concerns and expectations should always be welcomed. Likewise, you should encourage people to be open about theirs. Too often people are turned off or walk away from amazing people because they failed to communicate boundaries. Once you begin communicating your boundaries, it becomes easy. 

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ADDITIONAL RESOURCES ON THIS TOPIC:

Podcast Episode: Setting Boundaries: Why SetBoundaries   

Free Content: Six Signs You Need to Set Boundaries

Paid Event: The Art of Setting and Enforcing Boundaries in Dating/Relationships

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